what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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