I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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