Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
