Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
