I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize