theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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