you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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