i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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