I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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