Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
