On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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