Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
