update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Found your dick twin last night
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
