I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
