are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
