Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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