I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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