Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
