adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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