my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
