Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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