It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
