i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize