cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
