My room smells like vodka and shame
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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