what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
