when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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