I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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