if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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