I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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