my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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