Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
