1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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