So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
