I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
