omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize