no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
