she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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