Ambien. No doubt about it.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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