Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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