my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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