You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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