just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
