Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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