I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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