OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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