He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
