I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
