Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
