I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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