I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
