I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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