Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
