so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
