Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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