Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
