so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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