you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
