I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
