god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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