you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
