u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
