Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize