That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
