I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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