i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
