Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
