Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
