i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
