i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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