I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
