I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
