Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
