you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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