I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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