I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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