The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
