actually, I'm a sock model
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
