he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
