I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
