i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
