we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I am available for nakedness
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
