you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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