How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize