let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
