I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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