I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
