he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
