I wanna passion pit in your ass
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
