i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
