I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
