It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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