it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He did a backflip because drugs
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