I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
