I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
