sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
