Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize